I lied to my husband
05-09-2012, 10:24 AM
#11
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: brunssum, the netherlands
Posts: 457
It's the other way around with us.
DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
05-09-2012, 10:27 AM
#12
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Small town in Northeast Oregon close to Washington and Idaho
Posts: 2,795
I wouldn't have lied, in the first place, since I don't believe in spousal allowances. If I want to buy something, I have the sense to know whether or not we can afford it; my dh feels the same way. However, since you did lie about it, I'd weigh my options very carefully. How much harm will it do now, to tell him you lied? Forget about "clearing your conscience" and think how it will affect his feelings and your relationship. Will he forgive and forget . . . or will it cause him to have trouble trusting you, in the future?
Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.
Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.
05-09-2012, 11:16 AM
#13
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,311
05-09-2012, 11:22 AM
#14
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,311
He'll never find out about it because it came out of my checking account. I told him it was $29 cheaper than it actually was. I looked it up online on ebay and I paid $169. I've been talking to him about the Go Baby and he thought it was too much because of having to buy all the dies and mats so when I saw this on ebay, I went and bought it with my own money. But I thought he wouldn't appreciate that it was so much less than a Go Baby with accessories, so I did lie and tell him I paid $140. I think I will keep my trap shut and not spend any more money on quilting for a while so the guilt will subside. I usually spend $200 a month on fabric and gismos every month, but I had already spent that and this was on top of it. But I am going to keep my mouth shut because I agree that it will do more harm to tell him I was dishonest.
And to keep quiet will only fester and come out in other ways.
But only you know your marriage, we don't so good luck and hope all ends well.
05-09-2012, 11:26 AM
#15
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,311
It's the other way around with us.
DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
05-09-2012, 11:31 AM
#17
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 12,930
I would not have volunteered any information about it. You think it's your money, right? Why say anything? Since you have already volunteered information, I would simply not add to it.
Why does your husband think it's his money? Why do you feel it necessary to justify your purchases to him? Does he have any hobbies?
It seems to me that wives bring these problems on themselves by raising expectations in the husbands that the men have final say in every little thing that goes on in the household. Why do wives feel the need for permission? I make some purchasing decisions independent of my husband, he makes some purchasing decisions independent of me, and we collaborate on major purchasing decisions. I can see raising objections over a $1,000 purchase without consultation, but not over a $200 decision. Maybe it depends on household income? Not sure.....
Edit: I just read the second page of posts (after all this time, WHY do I still forget to check for another page???) and saw your second post. I would just hold back on purchasing more quilting stuff for a month to make up for this purchase. And go on with life from there.....
Why does your husband think it's his money? Why do you feel it necessary to justify your purchases to him? Does he have any hobbies?
It seems to me that wives bring these problems on themselves by raising expectations in the husbands that the men have final say in every little thing that goes on in the household. Why do wives feel the need for permission? I make some purchasing decisions independent of my husband, he makes some purchasing decisions independent of me, and we collaborate on major purchasing decisions. I can see raising objections over a $1,000 purchase without consultation, but not over a $200 decision. Maybe it depends on household income? Not sure.....
Edit: I just read the second page of posts (after all this time, WHY do I still forget to check for another page???) and saw your second post. I would just hold back on purchasing more quilting stuff for a month to make up for this purchase. And go on with life from there.....
Last edited by Prism99; 05-09-2012 at 11:34 AM.
05-09-2012, 11:41 AM
#18
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,688
Since you asked...
Lying about it was bad enough, but deciding not to come clean quickly just makes it worse. Your only concern seems to be about easing your own conscience, not about undermining your husband's trust in you and the damage that can do to a relationship. Perhaps it's time to examine your priorities.
Lying about it was bad enough, but deciding not to come clean quickly just makes it worse. Your only concern seems to be about easing your own conscience, not about undermining your husband's trust in you and the damage that can do to a relationship. Perhaps it's time to examine your priorities.
05-09-2012, 12:16 PM
#20
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Knot Merrill, Southern Indiana
Posts: 5,781
I don't and can't lie about things like this ... not just because of the ethics of it, but hubby and I share the same pay-pay account 
In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.
I spent it on thread
It was a really good sale!!
In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.
I spent it on thread
It was a really good sale!!
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