Lisanne

Bearisgray, could be and probably they felt terrible about it. Others suggested that, too. But again, they're grownups and if they'd really wanted it repaired, they could have sucked it up and asked. Since they didn't, no need to rush to fix it. I'm not saying delay fixing it to make them feel bad, just that it's long past the point where it's a crisis for them.

bstanbro

Well, I'm in agreement with gcathie because in my mind a gift belongs to the recipient to do what they will with it. However, I would NEVER give them another quilt.

My grandmother made some beautiful quilts and when my mother decided to split them between my brother and me, she gave each of us one quilt and then watched. Mine went on our guestroom bed so that it rarely got used, but was beautiful to look at. My brother's was found on the floor in their garage!

Guess who got the rest of the quilts.

Mousie

well, purplep, I like this answer, but you need a ((hug)))! :D

littlehud

That is so sad. I would just leave it and move on. He just didn't appreciate it I guess.

quiltswithdogs

Purple, are you feeling better now, with all our consolations? This board sure gives us a community who understands.

My best advice is to wait at least a week to decide what to do about this ...maybe it's just to wait some more, I don't know. This reminds me of grief; they always say to not make any big decisions right away or you might regret it later.
And, if you don't mind, would you tell us what you've decided and if there was any conversation about it, how it was received?

Good luck on "letting it go", for your own peace of mind.

ddrobins1956

You just have to let it go. It's happened to me more than once. I made my gr. son a quilt for Christmas a couple of years ago and he really loved it, my daughter said he slept with it on his bed every night.
Well, this spring, they got a new puppy and what do you think my daughter lined her bed with? You got it! My gr. sons quilt. She proudly showed me how much Stella, their puppy, loved her quilt that gramma made. But, but, I made that for my gr. son. Well, I know Mom, but it's old now and the puppy really loves it! Two years old is old to the young ones. Oh well, it's not the first time I've been disappointed to see for myself that the love that I have put into a quilt has not been fully appreciated. I'm still going to make family quilts, but the special ones I'm going to make and save them. They can divvy them up after I'm gone, they may mean a little more to them when they are older. We can't expect everyone to have the same passion for our quilts as we do.

MCH

It's unfortunate that this happenend. I understand the thought that once the gift is given, it's given. How the gift is used, abused, ignored, cared for, or tossed by the recipient is their issue, not yours. It's tough, but true.

However, I believe your last two sentences reveal three things. One, these folks are childish and careless adults. Two, like children, they contue to ask for things ... even though they obviously don't take care of what they have; paraphrasing your statement. Three, you're ambivalent about your feelings toward them and their actions. One the one hand, you want to be gracious. On the other, you a angry that thay show so little respect for you and your time.

This is the really hard part...when they ask for something, whatever it is, be ready to say, "No, I can't do that." Being that they are childish and sef-centered, they will do the childish thing of whining (very unattractive in adults), negotiate, make empty promises, try to give you a 1st class ticket on a guilt trip, or pull out the big guns and tell you that you don't care about them. You answer, "No, I cannot do this for you. Yes, I care about you and that is why the answer is still 'no'."

As I used to tell my son when he was a teen-ager and acted rude and petulant, "You want to act like a four-year-old? Fine, I've done that where you're concerned. When you were four, you had to sit on the chair where I could see you until I decided you'd been there long enough. Now, sit. There will be no talking, watching TV, reading, or doing anything."(Note, I didn't use the woosy technique of "time out" as that enables them to try to negotiate the length of the time out.)

If it walks like a duck, squaks like a duck, and acts like a duck, chances are good it's a duck. In this case, substitute self-centered and demanding child for duck.

In the vernacular of the day, this qualifies as "tough love". It may be that both you and they need doses of same. Easy to know, but tough to do. That's what makes is so valuable...just like you and your time.

grammy

I would just not say anything about it and let it be unless he asked me to repair it. Then I would probably tell him how disappointed I was and that I hoped he would take better care of it next time if I repaired it.

shaverg

I am so sorry.

I also have family members that don't take care of things. So I am real particular when I give them something, which is seldom and it is usually something that I have not put alot of time or love in.

I guess I am just mean.

Stitching Cow

Lets look on the positive side here.
The quilt was still on his bed which means he must really appreciate it, holes and all. It was probably and accident, and we all know accidents do happen from time to time. I would definitely mend it for him so that it remains on his bed so that each time he looks at it he will think of you. Isn't that what making quilts is all about? I am an avid quilt maker and I totally appreciate the time and expense involved with making quilts but lets not lose sight of the important things in life.