damaquilts

Well I hope everything works out. Lucky me, I guess, not to be put in this situation. At 14 my DD went to work and had to buy ALL her own stuff, when her stepdad left. My job barely covered rent, utilities and car insurance. Food even sometimes took a back seat. She didn't even get her senior year book because neither of us could afford it.
I wish I could have let her be a teenager for a bit longer. In this economy making her realize its not easy isn't a bad idea. Tie it into doing something for charity. Its a good lesson.

cindit

I am a parent of 3 daughters too. I agree with this father. A 14 year old's self esteem is really fragile and if she is organizing this thing, which she must be if you are driving, she wants it to be at the cool place so her friends won't think she's lame. Even I remember that from when I was 14. She won't be 14 forever, and you will both have the memory of the fun time you had. However, I love the idea of giving her $12 and telling her she can choose movie AND candy or movie/no candy. I'm pretty darn sure she will choose the "no candy" option. She can spring for candy from her own money or go without.

jitkaau

It's the cheapie or nothing, is my attitude. I stopped being the taxi for my friends' kids when they started to grizzle about how 'squichy' and small my car was...

weezie

I won't be much help and will sound as though I'm telling how to be a good parent. Not so. I'm sure you are a good parent.

As I see it (and this is not just about HP & the theater conundrum), you have to assert your authority at all times, but you can't "win" all the time, if that makes any sense to you. With each "head-butting" situation, either you reach a compromise or one of you "wins" and one "loses". It's very important that you choose wisely which ones to win, so as not to crush her self-esteem or push her to the point where she will be rebellious. You cannot let her "play" you (i.e., are the distress & the tears genuine?) and you cannot let her win in every situation; it's a recipe for long-term disaster. If the two of you make enough of the right choices, it's a good bet that you both will survive these teen years and be great friends.

Zhillslady

Sorry I am old school I guess. If my 14 year old, now 32 wanted to go to a movie. I decided where and when. If #2 is cheaper then #2 it is. If thats not ok with her, then she doesn't go. My daughter always said I was mean then on her 25th birthday she sat down and wrote me a letter about how she resented me during school for being so "meanand needing to know where she was every minute" but wanted to stop now and thak me as she always knew I loved her and it made her grow up a responsible adult able to make good decisions. 7 years later I still reread that letter often.

Rann

Give her a choice of going to the less expensive one or stay home.

mhansen6

Obviously the first theatre is where all her friends (including boys) are going to be. At this age friends are EVERYTHING.
Family is just secondary. I know since I went through 2 teenage daughters. I didn't believe my friends when they said that girls loose their brains during the teenage years. I had to learn the hard way. The only consolation is that they get their brains back about age 22. Now that my oldest has a daughter of her own Mom is not so dumb. I keep thinking of payback in about 13 years.

My only suggestion is to give her some chores to make up the difference.

Sew and Sew 2

If she doesn't go to either one, and have to wait for it to come out on Netflix, she will remember that children don't have entitlements. It would be #2 or nothing. Stick to your guns unless she is paying for the movie, snacks, gas. Let alone the aggravation of taking her and 6 of her friends to a midnight movie. Yes you do understand, but it will all be forgotten by the time she gets married.

arimuse

well, think back when you were a kid. what was the one thing you remember you wanted and your mom just didnt "get". In 5th grade I wanted saddle shoes so bad my teeth ached. She got me buster browns! Good Grief, buster browns! I had to wear remedial shoes one whole school yr! Those "dam" shoes never wear out! I remember wanting a poodle skirt, too - never happened. Now, I'm 63 and I still remember her just not understanding how much it meant to me.

If its nothing too expensive or outrageous (eyebrown piercing comes to mind lol) why is it a bad thing? I think this last HP is in 3D which seems to be in the more expensive movie houses (I know where I go for movies they just cant show 3D, I asked and they need special equipment they can't afford to put in. )
Just make sure all her friends can really afford it, and if they can only afford the tickets then no snacks - they wont die if they have to split a huge bx of popcorn, and you usually can get free refills if you buy the biggest bx anyway. One huge bx can be your treat if they can pony up the ticket cost.

I think the kids what to be there cus it's "the thing" "the place to BE"- they will always remember when they saw the last HP. Like we remember seeing the first "Star Wars". She will love it and if you discuss it w/ her its a great way to get into her head and see her world thru her eyes. She will like that, that you care about her stuff.

I also wouldnt let a 14 yo go to the movies by herself - boy or girl - in a group or alone even for a matinee. If she whined about that I wouldnt let it slide - I'd make sure I went even if I sat somewhere else in the theater. We didnt let hub's son go alone until he was 16 and had a drivers license (that was 10 yrs ago now). He either went with us both, or one of us (I saw a LOT of action movies back then), or with a friend and their parents.( Where on the planet would be the best place a nutjob could find a huge amt of kids roaming around but at a HP movie!) sharet

LindaaJR

I think the girls should get together and decide how much they are willing to pay to go. Then ask the parents for their imput, want to bet the parents go for the cheaper theather? Now if it were my daughter I would put foot down and say it is the $6 movie or none that night. Once the movie starts who even notices what the place they are watching it in looks like? This is a good example to also teach the kids how to live furgle and there for have more. Good luck, take care.
Linda