cathyvv

Jeanne, I sympathize with you, but I never lie to my DH about anything. There are times when he doesn't get information, but that is mostly because a) he doesn't REALLY want to know or b) knowing something would upset him and there is usually nothing he can do about whatever it is anyway. He understands that and trusts my judgement.

My guess is he would have been upset at any price you mentioned. But if this will show up on a credit card statement or a bank account, then you have no choice but to tell him. If it were me, I'd also tell him that I have worked hard for this money (leave out the 'my' word) and see no problem with spending up to $X - fill in the "X" with a number - occasionally.

If you're really hard up for money, that changes the discussion entirely. Then you have to agree on saving small amounts each week or month to pay for 'special' stuff, and each have your own little 'petty cash' stash to use.
I toss my change into a bank when I come home from shopping; it adds up quickly, and is used for when my grandkids visit. Over the course of a year I usually save from $125 to $150 for them to use while visiting.

Good luck with this dilemma.

kpross

Confessing will only make it worse. I never understand the emphasis on confession when it hurts the innocent party. None of us is in a position to judge your actions since we don't know the situation. So my advixe is this: Learn from this. Try not to lie next time. And most of all try to reach an agreement with your husband about what is your money to spend on your hobby and what is joint money that should be discussed before being spent. If you can do these things, move on ... The guilt isn't doing anyone any good.

hensandhollyhocks

If you have already told him a price, you should fess up and tell the truth. Next time, just don't mention it.

cathyvv

It's not to justify the lie, it's to justify the purchase. Agree that a lie to a spouse is never a good idea.

bearisgray

Couldn't edit previous post, but wanted to add:

I also learned to NOT listen other people, when I know what 'they' are suggesting is 'not quite right'

Neesie

Amen, to that!

Mitch's mom

Don't bring it up to him again. When it arrives, don't show it to him, take it to your sewing area and enjoy it. He has already moved on to something else. You should too.

moonwork42029

It's a shame you're in a tizzy over $29.

Many have said that only you know what/how your husband will feel if you tell him about your lie and that is true. We don't know what else is happening in your life that $29 can make you worried about his reaction.

You can say you made a mistake or mis-spoke and that the actual cost was $XXX and just wanted to clarify the amount so he won't be surprised when he sees the receipt or bill on it ( because it was a mistake to lie (IMHO) ). If he is going to have a fit over $29 and make your life miserable for several days, you KNEW this when you lied and also knew you were taking that chance.

Oh well, nothing we say or suggest can sway your decision. Read your tag line in your signature and go from there... good luck and best wishes.

Tartan

Oh dear, I can't offer advice because I don't know your situation but I can offer my sympathy.

cathyvv

Sahm, as a woman who was in a 'good' marriage (or so I thought) and had no savings of my own when the marriage fell apart, I disagree. Every woman needs to be able to 'fend for herself' if the need arises. Saving money for one self is critical.

I've been married to a wonderful, loving man now for 30 years. We do happen to have a joint checking account. But it was a HUGE act of trust on my part to do that. But we both decided when we married that, no matter how bad it got, we were not divorcing. And we both made sure it never got bad. I also went back to college and got a bachelors and masters degree in Computer Science so that I could support myself and my kids by myself, if the need arose. That was/is my 'insurance policy' against bad stuff happening.

My husband fusses about money now and then; I never do. We have enough for our needs, plus most of our wants. In any event, long ago I 'assigned' him the job of worrying over stuff. No need for both of us to worry for nothing.